And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
