You smell like a Billy Joel song
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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