We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
