So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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