you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
