You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
