dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I could fuck to npr.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize