Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
