Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
