if you like me you must not know who I am
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
