she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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