can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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