she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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