They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
