Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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