I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
