my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
