peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
