Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
