I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
