Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
