They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
