I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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