I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're facebook friends in real life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
