then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Everclear isn't food dammit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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