She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
