I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
