she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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