I wish my penis had an off switch
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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