Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
