Ambien. No doubt about it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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