you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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