he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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