omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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