Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
