ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
