Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
