I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
