i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
