Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
