She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
