he was CRYING into my vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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