i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
