I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
