I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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