I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
