Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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