It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
