I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
