Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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