I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
