I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
