Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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