Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
where are my eyebrows?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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