so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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