Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
