thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
