We're facebook friends in real life
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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