i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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