it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
