Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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