70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
