So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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