i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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