we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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