apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
