SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
