I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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