mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We were destined to go to rehab together
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
