New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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