Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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