That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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