I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
