Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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