Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
