I want to have your abortion
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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