I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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