so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
