Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
