ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
