it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
