Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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