You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
